


the pain, it never stops

by PrincelyGoro



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Do I have to tag this as blasphemy? Since I'm making an assumption of the afterlife n all, Heaven, Hell, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 03:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18842914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincelyGoro/pseuds/PrincelyGoro
Summary: The afterlife is not what is seems. Nor is life back on Earth.





	the pain, it never stops

**Author's Note:**

> it's 3 am fellas. no beta we die like men, goodbye
> 
> you can contact me/talk to me on my tumblr @princelygoro

I watch him struggle, on his knees and on the edge of giving up, and see him overcome all the obstacles in his way.

I made him struggle once. I got rid of two obstacles in his way once.

Me.

And I.

Now I'm here, a place I'm not supposed to be, with all the blood that drips down my hands and dirties my path.

But there is no blood.

There is no stain on me that shows my guilt and my crimes; My selfish pursuit of justice- of revenge.

No, I am here, in the most holy places of all with the one I thought had forsaken me. I am here, safe and sound.

I look around and see all the others that are here. Some have newly arrived and are elated, some suprised, some expected it, and those who have been here longer watch out for those who have newly arrived, patiently waiting for family and friends, or spend their time with others, people they already know or people they get acquainted with here.

I have not talked to anybody yet.

The thought of searching for my mother is banished any time it crosses my mind.

I can't. I won't.

Instead, I look back down, to the happenings in the living world. I see him again, his friends driving him back home. They are all joyous, being able to spend some more time with their leader before they have to part.

Unwillingly, I smile with them. The nightmare is over, theirs and mine.

It vanishes as quickly as it came.

But not because it is too late for me to live happily ever after. _No, it was too late the moment I was born._

I look back at him-

_Akira_

\- and see, for the briefest moment when his friends don't look, how Akira's smile falls from his face, how his mask breaks apart, and this uncharacteristic expression rears its ugly head:

Akira looks so tired, so exhausted, and so utterly regretful. His expression shows such a deeprooted despair that will only appear when nobody is there to protect him from it. Akira looks like he is about to sob, or scream, but-

It vanishes as quickly as it came.

But _my_  despair remains.

_Akira pretends! Akira pretends! Akira pretends!_

He goes back to laughing with his friends, goofing around and looking at the grand road ahead.

_Akira puts on a mask! Akira puts on a mask! Akira puts on a mask!_

My thoughts are racing; I want to shout, to scream at his friends, to notice how Akira is suffering, but there is no earthly soul that can hear me.

Is this my punishment?

To see Akira suffer?

It goes on, and on, and on, until they arrive at Akira's hometown. They have a tearful goodbye, promises of staying in touch and meeting up again, and then they leave.

Akira is now alone, except for Morgana.

But it seems Akira doesn't care and sinks to his knees. That expression is back on his face, but now he really is sobbing, letting out all those supressed tears.

Akira cries, shouts, screams, and-

"Goro!"

What?

"Goro!"

I feel confused, but deep inside, I realize what upsets Akira, what makes him feel this unbelievable amount of despair that eats at him uncontrollably.

Akira mourns. Akira mourns for me.

Akira feels regret, regret for-

_my death._

"Akira, what's wrong? Do you miss the others already?" Morgana asks, concern evident in his voice.

Akira shakes his head, hiding his face in his hands, but his sobbing doesn't stop. Morgana looks confused and asks again what is amiss, but now Akira, as best as he can in his current state, answers:

"It's my fault! It's my fault Goro is dead! I should've tried more to get through to him, I should've tried more to truly befriend him and break through his mask!"

Morgana looks stunned but lets Akira continue, giving him time to collect himself a bit.

"He sacrificed himself for us and we didn't even properly mourn for him. We didn't give a shit. He died right in front of us, Morgana! I know he's a criminal, but to me, he was- No, is a friend and a teammate. A friend and teammate I failed to protect!"

Now Akira becomes quieter.

I dread his next sentence.

"Goro is the person I love."

This isn't Heaven. It's Hell; A prison to keep me away from comforting Akira, to at least exist to protect him from his despair.

_He loves me. He loves trash like me. Me, who was forsaken by society, by life, even by a god! Me, who is nothing more than a filthy murderer! A lapdog for the human devil!_

"Akira?" Morgana is unsure of what to say, how to respond, and calls out to him.

It's night. Nobody's out. Nobody looks.

Akira doesn't have to put on his mask here, so he won't. He sobs into the hands burrowed into his face, a wretched cry leaving his mouth that rips my heart apart.

"Why?" I sob myself. I can't look away from Akira but my own tears obscure my vision.

I can't bear it anymore. I need to escape. Now, now, _now_ -

Finding myself in a bed doesn't help, as my cries continue.

I realize, as my sorrow and bitterness consume me, that I'm not the only who has been forsaken by life itself.

The bond we share, it's not a red string of fate or anything of the kind. It's a noose tied to our throats, just waiting for the moment of truth.

I can't bear the thought.

I can't look down to Earth, can't look at the inevitable.

And when I find Akira at my doorstep, I'm sure I did end up in Hell after all and that it is _Akira_  who got mixed up into the wrong place.


End file.
